Thought I had Road Rage the other day
but it turns out I’m just an angry drunk.
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I Think the First Werewolf…
just wanted an excuse to leave the house once a month.
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I Had to Put Down my Golden Retriever
I thought I was gonna be rich.
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In Five years…
I see myself in a mirror.
Read moreI started Texting in Old English
but I still don’t understand hipsters.
Read moreWhen you Kill a Cat
don’t go blaming your curiosity.
Read moreIf a Woman you know Dies from Old Age…
Try to convince people it was cancer… No reason to embarrass her.
Read moreI use to Date the Head Cheerleader, but that got Boring…
So I started dating the anal cheerleader.
Read moreIf you Get Amnesia, you can Estimate how old you are by how Often you hear…
“It’s never too late…”
Read moreDon’t Listen to your Gut…
If your gut is telling you something, listen to your psychologist. Guts can’t talk and your fucking crazy.
Read morePeople think the Apple Ipad is better than the Microsoft Surface in everyway
but one thing the surface can do that the Ipad can’t is sit on a Best Buy shelf.
Read moreThe Best Thing you can do if your too Drunk is buy New Balance shoes…
The second best thing you can do is steal them.
Read moreI thought my Milkshake brought all the boys to the yard
but it was an ice cream truck.
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